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Hot and cold man? How she got her emotionally unavailable man to commit once and for all

In November of last year I received a message from Jemma who was at her wits end with an emotionally unavailable man who blew hot and cold and seemed unwilling to define the relationship. This is her testimonial. Jemma wrote:

"I met Luke in Summer 2019 through friends at a beach party, the connection and attraction was instant, we clicked right away, even as people began to leave we stuck together and talked until 2 am about anything and everything, I loved how he had an interest in spirituality and doing good things in the world, he was intelligent and interesting. He worked as a blogger and spent a lot of time travelling. He told me he was due to go away the next day for three weeks, I have to admit my heart sank a little because it's rare that I connect with someone so strongly, I thought I probably wouldn't hear from him again but during his trip he text me most days, I couldn't believe how much we had in common or how easy it was to talk to him, but in the third and final week of his trip he did seem preoccupied, I put it down to his work and tried to focus on the date we had planned when he returned. To be honest I put so much thought in to that date, I must have changed my outfit five times, I wanted things to be perfect. We went for dinner and then took a walk under the stars, once again the connection was so good. A few days later he called to ask me out again but I had injured my leg running, so he came over, brought me food and we watched comedy shows, he was so sweet to me. The next morning when I woke up he was asleep beside me still fully dressed. I realised how much I liked him, it felt like this had the potential to be something serious. I'll admit that I was insanely attracted to him, he was gorgeous. In truth I was a bit intimidated, I wondered if he was out of my league.

The next weekend when I was feeling better he invited me to go to the lake with him and some of his friends, it was mostly other couples, He introduced me to the group and I met his best friend Jake, he immediately said "so this is the woman I have been hearing about?" I loved his friends they were intelligent and funny, we had a great time camping and kayaking, I genuinely felt like his girlfriend, very secure and relaxed. On Sunday evening he dropped me off at home, saying he had some work to do.

I didn't hear from him all day on Monday, by the evening I had a knot in my stomach and by Tuesday lunch time I was truly anxious. It wasn't even like me to worry like that but I couldn't help it, I went over everything that had happened over the weekend in my head but nothing stood out. By Tuesday evening I reached out with a quick text to see how he was doing. I couldn't believe it but he left me on read! no response what so ever even though I could see he had been active online a few times since. I had a sinking feeling that it was all over. By Friday I was so low that I called in sick to work, instead I sat in bed searching articles on "Men ghosting" and "Hot and Cold Men" (Please don't judge I feel ridiculous admitting this, seriously) but that's when I found the Goddess Vibes article How to deal with a hot and cold or emotionally unavailable man The article was very smart, it gave me a plan of action to work with.

That weekend I managed to drag myself out with some friends for drinks, I was a lot more clued up about how to deal with everything moving forward but my emotions were very mixed, on one hand I didn't believe I would ever hear from him again, on the other I was hopeful that this was only a bump in the road. I found myself constantly thinking back to the night we had met on the beach, I didn't really understand why my feelings for him had been so strong from the start, but now in his absence it was hitting me hard.

The following Wednesday he called, it had been over a week since we had spoken, he told me he was in Bali, it gave me an aha moment, he was travelling that must be why! but then why hadn't he talked to me at all? I didn't ask, instead we just chatted for two hours straight, there was no tension at all but really it felt more like we were friends now, even though the conversation was nice. I felt empty afterwards, I realised I didn't have the faintest idea where I stood with him.

We met that week to have lunch, I was nervous all the way there but it was amazing, it felt like the night we had met all over again, there was so much chemistry between us, he ended up spending the night at my place after a whole afternoon and evening together, then the next morning he stayed for breakfast and we cuddled up in bed eating pancakes and talking. Finally he had to go. Later that day I called him to ask if he would like to come over at the weekend and watch a movie we had discussed that morning. He said he would let me know. I was trying to exercise the tips I had learnt in the Goddess Vibes article but my head was spinning, not knowing what was going on with him.

I hadn't heard anything by Saturday night so I sent a quick text asking how things were going, he asked me if he could come over the next day, I said yes but still felt confused by his behaviour so I decided to talk to him, I told him how much I liked him but that I felt strange about how in and out of my life he was, then he gave me an awkward speech about how work was taking a lot out of him and he wasn't in the right head space for a relationship. Once again I was floored! it didn't make sense, from the first day we met he had talked about how much freedom and fun his job afforded him, yet now he was using it as an excuse not to date me?? I was upset, he apologised a lot but to be honest, I really struggled to contain my emotions. I asked him what was really going on and he just said "nothing" he kept apologising but it only made things worse. I didn't understand any of it.

Over the next two weeks my friends told me to forget him, but for some reason this guy had really got under my skin. I was struggling not to speak to him, I text him a couple of times, it was friendly but he didn't suggest meeting or anything. I followed what he was doing online, every post made me stomach lurch somehow, I wondered how many beautiful women he was meeting on his travels, if he even thought of me, mostly I wondered why I hadn't been good enough for

him. I tried to go no contact just to give myself a chance to move on.

At this point I decided to reach out to Jade for some Coaching, it helped me tremendously to ground myself and handle my sadness in a more balanced way, I liked the sessions so much that I could feel absolutely at rock bottom beforehand, but after an hour on the phone I felt stronger, happier and more like myself again. Jade helped me work on raising my energy and vibration, she helped me realise that I wasn't unworthy at all, but the sessions were also a catalyst for some stuff, and I had some deep realisations that I had handled the connection in a way that didn't radiate strong self love or high value which had likely contributed to his on/off behaviour, I had left everything on his terms and accepted less than I deserved. THEN the incredible happened, he contacted me! He said he had been thinking about me a lot and wanted to meet... I was determined to do things right this time, so I had some intensive Coaching on attraction building, Jade taught me so much, I just loved the sessions.

It wasn't easy at first and to be honest it took about two months before I noticed a major shift, I had to overcome a lot of fears about losing him and resist temptation to push the relationship along myself. It was soo worth it, after about six weeks I started to notice something...I didn't feel like I was running after him anymore, he had become much more available, the way he looked at me had changed, it had gone from casual looks to outright adoration in his eyes, he would text me even at times that I wasn't really thinking about him. It was now HIM trying to keep the conversation going, or looking for any excuse to reach out. The best thing was that I didn't feel helpless and needy anymore. The sessions had helped me eradicate those emotions and feel strong in my worth. I had also learnt how to keep his attention on me and keep him wanting more. Now it was me pacing the relationship! He wanted to see me most days, at all hours, I noticed he was investing more and more in to our time together, I could tell he just wanted to make me happy. I would recommend these Coaching sessions to every woman as they have completely changed my life. I began to realise that I have never been that fulfilled in love, every relationship was a different version of this one, me always wanting more than the man was giving me and never knowing quite how to keep him interested, let alone practically obsessed! I will never fall in to that trap again. I'm down to 2 sessions a month now...from 8! I am so happy I found this site and had Coaching sessions. - Jemma.

Yesterday I recieved this message from Jemma:

Jade! I just wanted to reach out and let you know that last month Luke asked me to move in with him, we have been apartment hunting for the last three weeks and have finally found an amazing place with a balcony overlooking the city! I am packing up my stuff right now, I just had to take a quick break to let you know that it has all worked out, I also met his parents last week and it went so well! They are so nice. I am truly grateful for all of your advice and support, he continues to be thoughtful and devoted. I am so happy! Thanks again you are the best!!

Dealing with a hot and cold or emotionally unavailable man can be exhausting and confusing, it is one of the most common issues that women have when they contact me, as well as the most challenging, sometimes these women realise they deserve more than the man they are dating and coaching gives them the confidence and strength that it takes to walk away for good BUT in many cases, a simple mindset shift and a little patience is all it takes to turn things around. A lot of the women I speak to realise they have been operating from a lack mindset, or from fear, often this is a pattern that has existed through much of their dating life. Generally conquering this frame of mind is the key to getting the guy to stand up and take notice, to realise what he has before it is too late!

If you would like to make more of an impact with the guy you are dating or interested in then get in touch now for a consultation, sessions are affordable, convenient and highly empowering.

Huge love to Jemma for sharing her story! (Some names have been changed for privacy)


Goddess Vibes, coaching, blog, relationship guidance, dating, support
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