Feminine energy or high value woman approach? Which is best?

Which approach to dating is absolutely irresistible to men?

In recent years there have been two movements exploding on the dating scene which many women have absorbed and learnt as a way to get an edge in dating, to potentially captivate a man and push attraction to the maximum, with many coaches teaching these techniques, each movement believes that it has the answers, and that their method is the key to achieve everything you are seeking in dating and relationships. Both of these movements have deep similarities, they are based in embracing feminine mystique yet they encourage a more submissive approach in order to attract a high value, alpha or provider mind set man.

The feminine energy movement:

Teaches women to be in their feminine energy to the extreme, you allow the man to lead in all ways, he plans the dates, chooses the restaurant, perhaps he even chooses your food for you, women in this movement are guided to allow the man to make every executive decision while she aims to be sweet, agreeable, easy going and never brash, this movement appeals to a 1940s version of masculine-feminine dynamics, where the man is encouraged to be hyper masculine and the leader of the relationship, while the woman gently follows his lead in all ways. This movement has been gaining traction for the past decade or more, but is now fading.

The high value women's movement:

A more modern movement that has gained massive popularity in the past two years, The HVW movement encourages a woman to develop a growth mindset, to focus on financial resources and to learn to how to seek out and attract men with a masculine outlook but above all men with a provider mindset. Any man who asks to split the cheque or doesn't cover the woman's uber for a date, or perhaps offer to pay for her hair and nails, would be dismissed as low value within this movement. A woman is encouraged to enhance her feminine energy with a sharper edge and boundary around the monetary aspects of the dynamic.

Now the reason that both of these movements have exploded in popularity in recent years is because they are based loosely in some truth, men certainly do feel more polarized by the feminine aspects of a woman and in my personal opinion, it is the correct dynamic for a man to put in effort to earn a woman's admiration and respect, by offering her a wonderful dating experience where he is able to stand out from other potential suitors orbiting her energy (I'm standing by it).

However, I have to be honest with you. I am now dealing with droves of women who have been huge believers and subscribers to these movements who are now having regular sessions with me to undo the damage that these ideologies have done to their relationships, I'm sorry to break it to you angels, but these movements are just fads, they are deeply flawed and I am going to explain why.

Both of these movements have been packaged as empowering to women which is wonderful, however the reality is that many women are realizing they still don't feel empowered with men, actually they are still watching men drift away and lose interest and feeling quite helpless in their dating experience.

This is because the only approach that truly works 100% is learning how male psychology actually works, how to align with it and use it to empower both of you, with this approach not only do you get your needs met, inspire his devotion and commitment, plus his need to give, but he also has an amazing time in the process. He ends up addicted to you because you bring something most women don't know how to bring.

The feminine energy approach- Pro's and cons

The feminine energy approach assists you in tapping into your divine feminine energy, it helps you embrace your beauty, your softness and your sweetness.

However many women who once embraced this movement, and lived by it religiously are now realizing that they lost themselves in the process of trying to set themselves up to be exactly "what a man desires". Teachers of the high value movement are extremely strict and inflexible with their teachings, they believe you should always be in a place of softness and submission, yet men actually love a woman who loves who she is, who has her own opinions, her own passions, her own tastes and her own desires.

When women put all of their effort into becoming a "cookie cutter" feminine archetype, she actually loses all of the things that make her magnetic and interesting, she gradually loses her power, and the majority of men find it less attractive over time, they value a woman with a bit of spice, with a backbone, who isn't afraid to be herself.

You are likely already feminine, you are a woman, you are divine, we are the matriarchy, we are badass babes, to dumb this down is actually an anticlimax for most men, it doesn't entice him in the way you might think.

A large part of this movement is designed with attracting an alpha male in mind, however in my experience what this actually attracts is controlling men.

A man who wants to order your meal, who wants you be agreeable at all times, to never being outspoken or have preferences and opinions of your own is actually terribly weak, and probably a control freak, he doesn't want to experience the full spectrum of womanhood, only a watered down version of it, he is usually a man driven by ego, potentially highly misogynistic, he want's a woman to be more of a cardboard cutout or a trophy, than a Goddess in her own right. You will spend the rest of your life dumbing yourself down, believing you have to, in order to keep him, why put yourself in a cage like this when it's not actually necessary?

Some men will use the feminine energy movement to control women, there’s a reason perhaps that female oppression has been cultivated so widely, if you are opinionated and passionate, a man may tell you you’re “being masculine” but one of the most real and truly feminine aspects of a woman is her fiestiness, her fire, the warrior inside her, look at Goddess Kali for example, she is completely unashamed of her badassery, no one messes with a balanced feminine.

Sadly I too used to subscribe to this movement, in my late twenties, I ended up with a typical "alpha" who was oppressive, restrictive and overbearing, he had huge expectations of how I should behave but didn't hold himself to any real moral standards, as a result the joker in me was activated, I ended up taking pleasure in rebellion, defying his control and his senseless boundaries that only served his sense of safety, not mine. I am a hyper girlie girl and that's how I feel most comfortable but...

I found myself craving a true divine masculine who could appreciate me standing in the fullest extent of my light.

A secure man will quickly find this hyper submissive routine tiring and a bit...bland, he doesn't feel challenged by a woman like this in the way that he truly needs to, to connect deeply. Worse, he will sense there are deeper more interesting parts of you that for some reason, he can't access. This will frustrate him.

Men actually crave a little guidance from women, there is no greater thrill for a man than learning how he can make you happy and to succeed in pleasing you.

How can he do this if you're just going along with your true personality locked away? It's okay if you're naturally a little more submissive, it's also totally fine if you’re a girlie girl with a more dominant streak but you should not be altering yourself completely for a man, it's fake it's phony and it doesn't inspire his fullest potential either.

Knowing which areas to let him lead and when to guide the connection yourself, is a super power. Actually, if you observe any secure happy couple you will see that she may let him lead in public but behind the scenes she is fully running the show, men actually feel very secure within this dynamic.

Remember that scene in Coming to America where Eddie Murphy met the princess he was betrothed to, he asked her what she likes and she replied "whatever you like" he said " no no I want to know what you like", once again she responded with "whatever you like" he found this repellent, in the end he went in search for the woman of his dreams, Lisa, an outspoken activist type, who was passionate and sensitive, with fierce boundaries, but still holding highly feminine energy and allure. He even had his father, the king, change the rules of the kingdom so he could marry her.

Although this was just a movie, there's profound truth here, in the ways that men seek to feel challenged by women and humbled by her power and emotional strength.

A few months ago I watched a reality show about men in the USA who were journeying to countries like Russia and Latvia to secure a submissive woman, a beautiful woman who had a mentality of servitude, some were leaving wives to do it, some had been single for years, I watched in fascination and something dawned on me, these men represented the lowest hanging fruit, they were self obsessed, had never evolved, they saw women as objects, they made crude jokes and were severely entitled, they were hyper superficial but they didn't even take care of themselves, they mostly had bad clothes and huge guts, you could tell too, that the super babes they traveled to meet felt this too, it turned out to be incredibly depressing and uncomfortable to watch.

The high value movement pro's and cons:

The High value movement gives a woman permission to accept and understand what she deserves, which is something that has been slipping through the cracks for so long, it creates a container for women to potentially learn and grow in a way that will benefit her, to develop a mindset of growth abundance and acquisition, rather than the relationship always being completely skewed in the mans favor.

Sounds great right?

Well it is, except it completely disregards male psychology, so many women are simply acting cold and demanding, which does very little to inspire a man.

Now trust me ladies, as a former elite model I never had much trouble attracting men, and in my thirties I found my confidence, I had men buy me designer handbags, a Cartier watch, a Bose speaker (the day it was released), i pads, laptops, one guy even paid my rent for two years straight, I wasn't even dating him! I had concerts paid for, hotels for myself and the girls, expensive dinners etc etc.

For me personally, I found it wasn't all that, I wasn't even sleeping with these men I was just allowing them to enjoy my energy and conversation, judge me if you like but a woman's energy towards persuasion can be powerful. I was single during that time and I wanted to enjoy life, I had seriously started to understand male psychology and how to tap into the male provider mindset, which is actually deeply satisfying for some men. But I found that what I truly craved was a real connection, a kindred spirit, a soulmate.

It wasn't for me, while I wouldn't be interested in a man who was a financial drain on me, or who had no ambition, finding someone who fulfilled me emotionally was so much more important, someone who cared about my inner world, my needs beyond the material.

If you wish to be bougie AF more power to you babe, but you have to learn to identify and activate the aspect of men that deeply desire to give.

Most teachers of the HVM are promoting self absorption to the point of narcissism, while a little self focus is absolutely encouraged, men do want to feel a connection to women, this attitude largely blocks that, he comes to see her as manipulative rather than seductive and his guard flies up.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel secure and provided for, women aren't designed to exist in the stress of survival mode, but the majority of men will not respond favorably to women who simply hold their hand out and demand to be provided for, you have to learn how male psychology works and how to inspire his monetary efforts with finesse, learning how to create a mutually fulfilling situation where both peoples needs are met.

Some men are not interested in this at all, they don't want to feel like an object or a means to an end. However almost every man I have ever been close to had a provider mindset in some way, knowing how to inspire it is an art form. It's actually much more simple than you think.

Build emotional attraction first, and the majority of men turn into major givers, a good man wants to and will devote their life to you, feeling a sense of purpose they never felt before. Men want to belong too, don't be fooled just because they approach it differently.

The point is, these movements only really serve to bring you further away from your true self, they promise empowerment but leave most women feeling dis-empowered and quite lonely. Lacking a feeling of true security, stability and self expression.

Are you tired of using these methods and feeling stuck with men? Would you like to finally drop the fads and learn how to inspire a man on a real level? then get in touch, the most unbelievable thing about this is that you don't need to pretend to be something you're not, yet you can get 10x the results with half the effort. It's all about working smarter, not harder.

Jade Isabelle has been a women's life coach for 17 years, she excels in helping women to build emotional attraction, healing distancing and hot and cold behavior, support with an anxious attachment and. becoming secure, she is not "on the side" of men or women, but on the side of creating healthy fulfilling relationships for both, and she thrives in helping women embrace their divine essence and power authentically in a way that inspires a mans devotion. You can book a session with her here