I am aware that articles like this seem to anger women these days, it's become fashionable to hate men, but Ladies hate is easy and lazy, and will do nothing to help you "level up". I realise that some women have been treated terribly by men, including myself in the past, but writing them off or treating them as the enemy won't lead you to a happier love life, we can't empower ourselves through hatred or by dis-empowering an entire group of people, this is a hollow "victory" that punishes you as much as the other. You won't find man bashing here, but you will find compassion for your struggles, we are happier when we know how to connect properly and develop true intimacy and harmony in our relationships, this article is written for the women who want to improve their love lives in a lasting way. Below are eight ways that you can become much closer to the significant man in your life:
1. Let him give and accept what he has to give
Generally Women don't realise how hard wired men are to give, they have perhaps dealt with men who became free loaders, undeserving of their affections, for a man to take his connection to a woman seriously he has to be able to get in to a "giving state" this doesn't necessarily have to be financially, although most guys when they fall hard for a woman will feel a strong urge to provide in some way, it can be his time, service, attention, compliments or assistance. A problem I see a lot these days is that women will beat the man in their life to the punch and become the giver, and be absolutely unable to accept the smallest things, even a compliment. Although giving to him is sweet, when you are the one to step up and focus on taking care of him, it carries you further away from a receptive state which removes him from his deep seated need to feel that he is "winning" with you, he will gradually become more passive in the relationship and eventually lose interest. Which is why I commonly hear women say "How could he leave? I did everything for that man!" I feel like a lot of women accidentally block a mans need to give, she may know that relationships require give and take then remember the give part and forget the take. Not realising that it makes a man feel wonderful and remember, attraction is largely based on how being with a particular person makes us feel. No guy wants to feel redundant in his relationship, it gives him deep satisfaction to please, pleasure and take care of you as much as he is able. This doesn't mean you can never show kindness and generosity, of course you can but it must be balanced out by a willingness to receive. It's okay to let him carry your bags, or rub your shoulders, or to help you with a problem, in fact this is where good men truly shine. I am not advocating co-dependence, you can still be a bad ass babe with a mission as long as you know how to return to receptivity. You would be surprised how many women struggle deeply with this, a huge part of being receptive is having the confidence to know that you deserve to receive, which is something I have worked on with lot's of women in Coaching sessions.
2. Live in the moment Never underestimate what a game changer this is, I know we live in a society that pushes us to aim for the next big win but when we are too goal orientated in our relationships we are likely to create alienation instead of intimacy, what works tremendously well as an attitude towards our careers and goals can be very detrimental with love. When you like a man a lot it becomes easy to focus on the next big win, the next date, or romantic gesture, the next sign of commitment, we become "when women" when will he call? propose? meet the parents? introduce you to his? baby slow down, vibe, ride, hang, enjoy...seriously. Getting fixated on expectations is a huge attraction killer and a barrier to deep love. Men don't need to be prodded along, they are actually ultra sensitive to the anxiety and intensity that creeps in when we become too set in our expectations of them, and they instinctively slow down. Instead train yourself to be in the moment, to relate to him with sincerity and authenticity. When you learn to let go and flow your attractiveness goes through the roof and and a "when woman" becomes a dream girl. "When" turns in to "now" effortlessly when you stop being hung up on a goal orientated way of thinking. 3. Cut some slack sometimes
None of us are perfect, and some of us are quicker to criticise and berate than show consideration and kindness, a relationship that is critical or lacking acceptance will sink quickly. Life is hard enough, if you know your man is trying his best, cut him some slack sometimes, don't be that woman that holds him to impossible standards. This might seem obvious but I see Women shaming their other half constantly. Your Man should be your best friend, greatest ally and your ride or die, so be the same for him. In no way does this mean you should overlook cruelty, abuse or even a lack of effort, just let him have flaws, forget to notice the mistakes he makes as a human, he will love you more for it.
4. Take some time out for yourself and allow him the same
It's a beautiful thing when you find a connection with someone so strong that the two of you naturally become inseparable. But no matter how strong your bond, constant togetherness will eventually become wearing on one or both of you. Even if you don't really feel like it, it is important to periodically take time out and return to autonomy and self care. A little space ultimately brings us closer. So don't feel bad for doing the things you enjoy and spending time alone as you did before your relationship, and of course allow your man the same. A night out with friends or a couple of hours for relaxation or meditation, at times I have noticed my Fiance is a little burnt out with the daily grind and have surprised him with a new video game and told him to take a few hours to play, he still looks at me like it is a trick, as previous partners made him feel bad for being focused on anything except them. In reality I recognise the value of a little positive selfishness, for both our greater happiness, those little things help us to keep a sense of self, and make us both better partners. Encourage him to do the things he enjoys, even if that's an activity that doesn't involve you, and use the space created to spoil yourself with a little "me time".
5. Be more playful
This is easy if you have been mastering staying in the moment, one of the most simple and overlooked aspects to relating to men is your mood and demeanour, Playfulness and spontaneity is an essential ingredient to keeping the bond close and loving. I don't know if you have ever dated a man who is constantly grumpy, pessimistic and rigid but it's no fun and it becomes a drain so quickly, it's the same thing when a woman is primarily moody and difficult, the thing is sometimes when a woman develops deep feelings, she is so scared of becoming hurt that she carries herself with an attitude of suspicion, annoyance or even gloom. It feels good to be light in love, to smile more, laugh and play, a connection that is full of joy and happiness makes it through even the darkest storm.
Are you feeling anxious or depressed? check out my guide here to help 6. Stop hiding your emotions This may be a side effect of the "hard to get" culture and belief system that is instilled in us from a young age, there seems to be this idea that men are frightened of our emotions, or are turned off by them, so that in order to remain mysterious we must conceal our emotions, which is a myth, expressed in the right way our emotions are intoxicating and deeply attractive to men, as well as mysterious in themselves, it's our warmth, depth and intuitive abilities that fascinate the opposite sex. This doesn't mean you should blurt every thought and feeling out and it certainly is not an excuse to be "sweet but psycho" (eyes roll to the heavens) however without true expression a woman will start to appear stoic and even quite dull, your emotions are a big part of creating deep attraction and going deeper than a basic and superficial level where things are wishy washy, hot and cold or unexplained, click here for more information Read the powerful, best-selling eBook, What’s He Really Thinking? discover exactly how to express your feelings without making him feel guilty and helpless. You’ll be amazed at how expressing your feelings this new way will inspire your man to open up to you, and connect to you in ways you never imagined. 7. Show a little appreciation
Again this sounds obvious but many couples overlook the value of appreciation, they feel that their partner must know that they are appreciated already
so there is little need to reinforce it, this is a serious error, men especially are often starved of words of affirmation and appreciation in these times, Generally to find happiness, women ask "Am I loved?" yet men ask "Am I appreciated?" This doesn't need to be anything more major than a big smile and a "thanks" when he does something thoughtful or caring, or when he makes a small sacrifice for the relationship/family unit, but feel free to go in to more detail if it comes from the heart, knowing he is appreciated will not only make him feel like he wants to go further to make you happy, it will make him feel like he belongs. I think goes for women too to an extent, I know there is no greater feeling than when my love tells me "I'm so glad I met you" or "I am very happy with you" there will be a spring in my step and I find it easier to smile that day knowing that I am part of something strong, connected and loving.
8. Don't be a walkover My lovely, please never believe that you have to become a "Yes woman" to connect more deeply with the man in your life. I see so many Ladies bending over backwards and becoming a emotional acrobat to try and please a guy, wondering why he only becomes more distant or uninterested. A strong sense of self love and boundaries are not only highly alluring but it goes deeper than that, it helps you to come across as strong, self contained and confident. Quite simply your self respect needs to be stronger than your feelings, this is about portraying high value from the start, this silently communicates to men that you are strong, valuable and that it is possible to lose you if he fails to invest himself consistently, automatically you become a challenge to him which keeps his focus firmly on you. Women who go out of their way to please and be agreeable fade in to the back ground of a mans mind. Obviously this doesn't mean becoming combative, true strength doesn't need to shout but it is obvious. Jade Kelly is a Certified Life Coach and relationship Consultant based in the UK, Her compassionate no nonsense approach to dating and relationships has helped Women all over the world to improve their love lives, click here to book a session now