This is how to demonstrate high value in dating and stop getting messed around.

This is what he really means when he says…, man translations and how to respond to demonstrate high value.

Standing in a space of deep self-respect and being grounded in our boundaries in dating is the key to creating high levels of attraction, this is how you become naturally challenging and resist coming across as too easily captivated, which often ruins the mystique that we are building, men don’t want a woman who is too easily won, even though they may say things like “I would love it if a woman chased me!” often when they actually get that they are repelled and they end up going after a more challenging woman.

Generally, what men say they want is completely different to what really inspires them in reality to fall deeply in love with a woman, this is because most guys don’t understand their own subconscious motivations, only their conscious ideals, which means that when he gets what he wants he simply feels that something is not right, even if he can’t verbalize what is going on internally, he experiences a loss of attraction but can’t explain it logically.

Many people feel that dating is a minefield these days and they’re right, there are a lot of people in their egos, dating with wounds that need healing or dating for their own satisfaction and validation without even considering what they have to offer, dating can be very painful, a lot of women feel that often a mans interest falters before they have even really got started allowing him to know who she is, so what you need to do is understand how to shift into the correct mindset and learn how to hit the right emotional triggers and you can succeed beyond your greatest expectations. It doesn’t have to hurt, you just have to date smart.

Even day to day conversation can not only reveal a lot about a man’s real character, but it can also give you an opportunity to demonstrate that you are a once in a lifetime woman so that he will take the connection seriously and keep investing himself.

There are particular phrases, statements and questions that women get from men and ask me about on a daily basis, which are a lot more loaded than they seem and often serve to tell a guy a lot about us, these statements seem innocent, and we often respond innocently too, not realizing that we may be displaying low value even though we are not low value at all! This is because sometimes enforcing the standard we expect and the boundaries that come with it can feel unnatural to us, all we want is to be accepted and liked, so we make things as easy as we can, but this, in reality becomes a big attraction killer. The more we strive to be easy-going at all costs, the more likely we are to lose a man’s respect and desire.

Note: this does not mean we should be combative or rigid in dating, dating should be fun! It’s just so worth being mindful of what we are putting out there energetically and being sure we are remaining true to ourselves.

So often, the subtext of a text message statement or question is different to how it appears on the surface, so I’m going to break down some of the most common ones and translate to teach you how to respond so that you always demonstrate high value and continue to build attraction. This tells him early on that he is dealing with a showstopper and not someone that he can simply toy with.

What does it really mean when he says “hey you never text me” “you’re weird” or “I’m happy to go with the flow and see what happens” or if he texts "wyd?" several times a week, you’re about to find out the answer to these and many other common phrases in this huge guide on the male mind! Absolutely free to you from me xx

Some of my answers may surprise you, there may be some statements or questions that you assume are a red flag that really aren’t and some that seem innocent but tell you so much about a man’s real intentions. I know that every woman reading this will have heard at least a handful of these statement/questions and it may blow you away to discover what was really going on during those moments.

Men generally enter into situations expecting rejection, so we are not trying to be too hard on them or to create impossible standards for them to live up to, but it is also very important to understand this stuff, so that you can protect yourself…

“Why don’t you text me? Girl you aint ever text me” etc

-Translation-

I am looking for quick validation, and I want to make sure you like me so that I can relax.

This is one of the most common ones that I hear and it sounds innocent, perhaps in some cases it is, we all want to feel wanted, and to create a relationship that is balanced and equal, most women take this at face value and decide it is reasonable, so they begin to initiate more, but in many cases a woman finds that when she does start putting a bit more effort into texting that he seems preoccupied or doesn’t respond as warmly as she expected, which is confusing.

In a way this can be a good sign, because it means you are creating enough mystery for him to feel an urge to accelerate the process with you, which is amazing, anticipation is a huge aspect of attraction, but you do need to keep your feet on the ground and look at it objectively.

Usually, this statement quite simply means that he is seeking some sort of indication of your interest, to validate him.

You need to be paying attention to where the guy is at when he makes this statement or request. If you barely know him, he is a low effort guy who only hits you up here and there, if he hasn’t really invested much in terms of dates and getting to know you in a real way then stay aware, this might be a situation where he is testing to see if you’ll accept a “convenience guy” this is where he gradually encourages you to put in more effort so he can focus on building other options for himself.

Now, he has a right to build other options if you have just met and are both single, but if he is training you to do the work so he is free to pursue other things it’s a red flag, a man who is sincerely interested won’t mind proving himself, often if we fall for this we find a guy taking his foot off the gas and doing less to earn our engagement, then it’s very difficult to back up because we have already set a precedent for the effort level we are willing to give.

A worthy guy might realise that being validated would feel good, but he will be happy to pursue.

How to handle it

Tell him “Hey, that’s a good point, I should text more!” then do nothing differently.

Don’t allow yourself to be tricked into chasing him. If he wants to move things forward, he can contact you, by making this statement you are not promising that you will text more, you are just congratulating him on a good observation, while refusing to mould your behaviour to impress him…

High value women never chase a man.

Personally, I am not going to initiate text messages unless a man is a) my boyfriend, or b) I have something I sincerely need to communicate, such as I am running late for a date we planned or can no longer make it, in that case I would likely just pick up the phone and call him, so he knows what’s going on. Of course, I’m a happily married woman so this isn’t an issue anymore, but I can honestly say that it was months before I ever initiated texting when my husband and I were dating, only once we were in a more settled place and spending a lot of time together did I start to text him here and there, even then I let him take the lead mostly, he never complained about this and he even seemed to enjoy making the effort, seeing that it was making me happy so that I gradually warmed to him. It’s fine to entertain him with a riveting conversation when he reaches out but it should be him working to keep the association going, not you.

Most women realize on some level that it doesn’t feel good to have to initiate, women instinctively want to be pursued and like with most things our instincts are right on the money. Honestly, you should be too busy working on your own life and experiencing interest from all kinds of people, to be texting a guy you barely know.

“I’m happy to just go with the flow and see what happens”

-Translation-

I’m staying in my comfort zone (likely as a sex buddy) with no intention of committing further at this time, or possibly ever.

If it’s very early days and he says this, it is more forgivable then when you have been involved for months and have been increasingly intimate or emotionally connected. But it’s definitely still something to be mindful of regardless.

Men tend to move forward with a woman and commit more deeply based on how he is feeling about the connection, not because of a set timeline or because he is setting “goals” for the future, so he might want to go with the flow and feel things out initially, but if you feel like you have been giving a lot and you’re noticing that he has become increasingly distant to the point where you felt the need to ask him what’s going on and then he hits you with this line, it’s an indication that he's enjoying something that he’s getting out of his association with you, but he isn’t feeling that building urge to deepen the relationship. It’s an indication that he’s dragging his heels.

This can also happen when you’re over functioning or leaning forward and he’s not comfortable or feeling like he gets to lead things himself. If you think this might be the case get in touch!

You probably have female friends or family members who met a guy and within weeks he was locking things down and asking her for a commitment. Men do commit with certainty when they know what they want, so if he’s telling you this it means he is either still in uncertainty about you, or he has ruled out a more serious investment already.

How to know the difference

As always look at his actions, if he is still making regular and consistent effort with you and you feel as though the relationship is growing and expanding in new ways, then he may just not quite be there yet but if the connection is stagnating and you actually feel that his interest level has dropped or it’s hit and miss, then sadly he has likely decided on some level that this is as far as it’s ever going to go with you.

I know this can be disheartening but being able to understand intentions saves you a lot of wasted time.

You can turn this around though so if you need some help. Check the book online page to talk to me in more detail!

How to handle this

If it’s early days you shouldn’t be too focused on getting certainty from him, instead you should still be paying attention to see if he has the qualities and values that vibe with you and to see if his words are backed up with actions, but if it’s been a while and you’re becoming uncomfortable that the level of closeness or intimacy doesn’t match with the commitment level then it’s time for you to take your foot off the gas too and give less to the connection, tell him ”Ok cool, I understand completely but overall my intention is to find a relationship, so for the sake of full transparency it’s important that you know that although I’m happy to keep spending time with you, I am going to keep my options open until I find the right connection”.

This sends an immediate message that you are a woman who knows her value, that you are placing your own goals over the “need” to have a relationship with him, and this is actually immensely attractive, too many women go the other way in this situation, they let things drag on even though their feelings are getting stronger, they remain disempowered and by doing this we actually put the guy on a pedestal which subtly communicates that we don’t feel worthy of what we want, which he does pick up on.

“I don’t know what I want”

-Translation-

“I don’t want what I have”

or

"my deeper attraction buttons are not being pushed and I don't know how to express this"

We all know what this means, but when we like someone, we are much more likely to rationalize it away. Unfortunately, this is where the old adage is true you shouldn’t make someone a priority if they are only making you an option.

How to handle this

Know your worth beautiful, there is no greater feeling in the world than loving a man who is 110% certain about you and in knowing that he would move mountains to be beside you, anything less is going to cause more pain and torment than it is worth. I know that doesn’t mean that you can suddenly get rid of your feelings, but it should at least be a sobering moment that encourages you to start shifting your attention in new directions, maybe he will wise up along the way, but you shouldn’t wait around in hopes that he will suddenly realize how special you are. Waiting for someone to act correctly is disrespecting yourself, you are compromising your worth just because someone can’t fully afford you.

You’re so beautiful

-Translation-

You’re so beautiful

Generally, this is as straightforward as it appears, no doubt the reason he initially approached you and wanted to get to know you is because you are a beautiful woman, but this is easy to say and guys know we like it, so keep in mind what his actions are showing you, some guys will say lovely things to bait us but it’s all calculated, learn to take the things he says with a pinch of salt without attaching deep meaning. Some women hear a few heartfelt words and let themselves start falling head over heels, only to fall from cloud nine with a bump later realising that the connection lacked any real substance.

How to handle this

To build attraction we should always accept compliments graciously, receiving is part of our feminine energy, this includes compliments, loving words and affirmations, totally resist the urge to be coy and instead smile and say thank you, don’t feel obligated to respond with a compliment in kind, only do so when it feels natural to you.

I don’t want you to see anyone else and I don’t want to see anyone else either

-Translation-

I want to take you off the market while I figure out what I’m doing with this connection.

Exclusivity without commitment isn’t good enough, if he wants to take you out of the dating game but doesn’t want to profess the relationship, in the light of the day and take on the responsibilities of a partner, then you should be wary. I am seeing an increase in women experiencing this, they agree not to date others and focus on one particular guy then find themselves getting only a segment of the relationship they really desire. In many cases it becomes clear that he is still keeping his options open after all, or you feel like a part-time girlfriend. She is dismayed to discover that she got duped and it becomes very difficult to backtrack.

How to handle this

Be secure in all that you have to offer and don’t settle for less than what you deserve, if a guy is not demonstrating commitment, if he isn’t bringing you into his life properly as his partner, or if he’s only seeing you here and there/is only available on his own terms, then it’s too soon for him to demand exclusivity, this is a selfish request so take a mental note.

Tell him “That’s sweet, but I don’t think we are quite there yet, I’d love to keep exploring this connection and see where it goes, I will be happy to consider more later, but for now I can’t make any promises, that wouldn’t be fair to either of us”.

What he hears

“There are no short cuts, you need to invest in me” again, this is a stance that displays high value and an abundance mentality in dating, you don’t need to accept crumbs as you know you have options. This attitude is more likely to make him feel like he wants to commit fully as it shows what a catch you are.

Please be aware that if this response angers him, he may be revealing his true colours as entitled and lazy in relationships. He may even be using you. If it upsets him and he reinforces that he doesn’t want you to date others, you can let him know that there’s no one special on your radar except him but that you’re not rushing into anything, feel free to state what you would expect to see before you’d be willing to become exclusive, then explain that once you get there as a couple exclusivity will be given. If it feels right.

I’m not really into full dates at first, I prefer a casual meetup to see how we vibe

-Translation-

I’m trying to dip my toe in because I’m not sure how interested I really am.

There are a lot of guys trying this one these days, they may also have a sob story about how they have invested time and money into many first dates just for it to go nowhere (this is also a red flag). This can be a warning that the man isn’t considering you to be worthy of his time, money and emotional investment, which is just downright insulting. But he may just not be sure

(especially if you met via a dating site and not in person) he may be trying to feel out the chemistry before he gets involved further.

How to handle this

If you’re fine with grabbing a quick coffee just to meet before he takes you out properly it’s fine, but keep it short and remember the purpose, view it as a quick hello (an hour max) don’t be guilt tripped into accepting a sofa/couch date, tell him “ that’s no problem you can take me out for coffee first” if you prefer a real first date then stay true to that, you can say “Yeah that’s cool, I get it, but I love the excitement of a great first date, I hope you find what you’re looking for!” then keep looking, in my experience men will pull out all the stops for a potential show stopper, so why accept low effort right from the start?

The phone works both ways

-Translation-

You should feel guilty about not chasing me.

This is the mantra of the hot and cold, emotionally distant disappointment of a man, he ghosts on you mid conversation, disappears for two weeks, then when he reappears, and because you respect yourself too much to go all in for him after such a long confusing period of absence, he hits you with this line. *Eyes roll to the heavens. The problem is that a kind-hearted woman will actually question if she is in the wrong here for not trying to check up on a guy that was making zero effort. Absolutely not. When we accept that we have to pursue a man we move into masculine energy which will eventually repel him (remember we discussed that what men say they want and what they actually want is often different) it won’t feel good for you either, feminine women need to be cherished and pursued or dating becomes more of a burden and anxiety than it's worth.

How to handle this

A guy that drops off the radar for days or weeks or expects you to do the work to pursue him should be swiftly dropped down the priorities or kicked off rotation completely. This is demonstrative of a guy who is only available at his convenience, is probably entertaining other women and treating you as a back-up, or he has a whole host of issues that he needs to deal with before trying to date you. My instinct would be to give no response to this, if he tells you the phone works both ways, leave him on read and continue living your best life until a worthy man steps up.

What you doin? (Several time per week)

-Translation-

I am boring/low effort and can’t think of anything interesting to say to you.

When I hear about a text like this, I instantly picture a guy who is boring, lazy and texting several women “wyd?” throughout the day just to keep them on his radar, without being able to display even the most basic conversational skills or the imagination to come up with a decent opening line. You might answer honestly the first few times but rather than using the info given to form a deeper level of communication, he remains superficial in all of his dialogue. You get a response like “I’m just watching TV” and the communication goes nowhere.

How to handle this

Accept that he’s probably a basic bitch, and don’t expect too much from him moving forward, you can entertain the messages if you like, but I wouldn’t advise placing any sort of significance onto the texts personally, instead I would advise putting your energy into building higher quality options with more interesting men.

You are different to any woman I ever met before/you’re special

-Translation-

It depends

If you have been displaying high value/Goddess energy and qualities and he says this, he is likely telling the truth, this translates to “I am finding you quite captivating and rare” or “you are not as easily impressed or quickly won over as other women, this intrigues me” which is a very good sign, but if he has barely even spoken to you and the conversation has been basic up until now, then it’s probably a line. The reason guys bombard us with compliments early on is to gauge our reaction and interest level early, so he gets an idea of how he's doing.

How to handle this

As if it’s something you hear all the time, simply say thank you and smile or you can even go further and say “So I’ve heard” with a smile, this means he doesn’t get any particular validation from you and has to keep working to secure your interest through effort and actions.

You’re weird

-Translation-

You are not afraid to be yourself and are uninhibited, this makes me nervous/uncomfortable.

It’s interesting how many women have come to me with this in recent months, it wouldn’t have occurred to me otherwise that it was even an issue women were dealing with, yet many are asking me what does it mean when a guy says “you’re weird” This is very similar to when a guy constantly says “you’re too much” which can be playful but sometimes it’s not. What I have noticed is that when a guy says “you’re weird” it seems to be that the guy in question is painfully worried about what people think of him. He may be inwardly ultra conservative, or very insecure and be threatened by those who openly have their own character, lack of hang ups and a free-spirited thirst for life. Essentially men like this are telling you that they’re dull, or potentially that they find your behaviour embarrassing.

How to handle this

Raise your little weirdo flag right up and let it fly high to attract another weirdo who vibes on your flavor of weirdness. Never apologize for being who you are and certainly never let anyone else make you feel ashamed, the right man will revel in your quirks and all the characteristics that make you unique, understand that this man is probably very uptight and has no idea what it means to let go and enjoy life. A simple response to this is to ask “what makes you say that?” so you can analyze his response or you can simply say “Of course! Life is too short to be normal…or boring” and laugh/smile.

But definitely take this as a bit of a red flag, it suggests that he is comfortable with talking down to you, which usually gets worse over time.

If you are too much for him, let him go find less.

Telling you his whole life story/traumas or opening up to you very early on

-Translation-

I want to build a level of intimacy and familiarity with you that’s not organic to the stage we are at.

Or

I have a lot of problems and should probably talk to a therapist.

Or

I am letting you know upfront why I am going to be a subpar boyfriend, so that later when you question what’s going on I can remind you that I listed all my issues upfront.

This really depends on the context, if you have found the conversation has steadily got deeper and deeper on a mutual basis and you’re finding yourselves both sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings, then it can be indicative that he see’s potential for a future with you and he wants you to know each other on a more intimate level. But most women are used to men being closed off, so if a guy leads with such an intimate level of sharing they automatically assume it’s a good sign or very romantic, but in most cases it isn’t.

If he is telling you his life story in the first couple of conversations or he has had plenty of opportunities to communicate with you but hasn’t, then he suddenly comes on strong sharing a lot about himself and wanting to talk endlessly then he is likely trying to ‘fast track’ his way into your affections. This is so he can get several steps ahead with you in one go and without the groundwork of prior consistent effort.

If he talks constantly about his feelings and problems without any real interest in you, your opinions, thoughts and experiences, or he just throws out the tiniest bit of interest here and there only to continue dominating all your time talking about himself, then he’s trying to use you as a sounding board and probably needs to speak to a therapist, otherwise he’s just showing you how one sided a relationship with him would be.

Some men will use their past as a preface so that the moment you demand a bit more consideration he can say “you knew this about me when we met” and make his lack of interest your fault.

How to handle this

You can certainly show some sympathy and compassion to the extent you feel is appropriate, but don’t allow guys to fake or fast track closeness, remember that relationships have much stronger foundations when a connection is built gradually and organically over time, share only what you feel comfortable with for the stage of dating you are at and don’t let him swallow up your time with his problems thinking that it will make him care for you more, it won’t. Don’t be afraid to keep your boundaries in place, as the giving nature of women generally means that a lack of boundaries leads to “nice-itis” and getting taken for granted simply because we give without limits and forget to command respect.

Because of X/Y/Z I can only offer… (quantify level of investment here)

-Translation-

I am training you to settle

This comes in many different forms, but it is surprising how many women deal with this over an extended period, it may be that he’s in a grey area with his ex or the mother of his children, or that he has a stressful career. He might even blame something about your situation for the limits he places on his time and investment for you. Women in this situation wither over time, because it is very difficult to hold our feelings back and accept less than we really want from a relationship, so we suffer quietly, hoping that in time he will give more, in most cases when we accept this, the guy gradually gives less, he has set the bar low and it’s usually all downhill from there.

How to handle this

Take some time out to figure out what you truly want and need from a relationship, then get into alignment with that vision and make a vow not to accept anything less, no matter how much you love a man, your self love should be higher, whenever we place more significance onto a potential partner than ourselves, it spells the beginning of the end, especially when he is already showing you that he is placing himself first, it can’t be both of you focusing on his needs only, this is highly selfish on his part and it’s an indication that the man does not value or love you the way that he should, in accepting this we gradually lose his attraction more and more because we demonstrate a lack of self esteem and self love, which subtly tells him we are low value.

You must be willing to walk away from situations like this even if it hurts, I have coached women who simply couldn’t let go and let years or even decades drag past like this, once she finally had enough and drew a line under it she had lost out on some of the greatest years of her life, years when she could have been building a life with a man who held nothing back and wanted to give too. It’s a very painful lesson.

No matter how he makes you feel in the good moments, he is telling you that he is content with making you a place holder and a man would never do this to his dream woman.

This is how I am If you don’t like it, you better find someone else.

-Translation-

I am willing to discard you the moment you ask for a basic level of decency and responsibility from me.

This one really boils my blood, quite simply this translates to “I can take you or leave you” this is the anthem of control freak and narcissists, and yet I have heard women defend this in a thousand ways, when there is no defending it.

How to handle this

You could have a man beside you who just cannot even conceive of a life without you, one who would pretty much devote his life to jointly creating a world for you both, yet you’re settling for this? Just no, if you’re in this situation please drop everything and book a coaching session with me, I will help you build your confidence and gently guide you out of this.

If a man ever so much utters words like this in your direction, rally your support then tell him you will happily find someone else, someone who actually has a hint of decency and respect, do your grieving, and know that time will heal your heart, it’s much better than dealing with this ass for even one more day.

Can I come over and chill?

-Translation-

I want to dance the dirty hula

Euphemisms aside, this is generally what this means, if he hasn’t even taken you out yet then he’s just trying to speed up route to having a presence in your bedroom. This is fairly innocent as most men are motivated by sex to some degree, but it’s best to avoid this if you’re looking for a meaningful relationship.

How to handle this

You can be playful and flirtatious but reinforce that it’s a little early for that, but perhaps one day in the future you’ll be open to it.

Again, this suggests that he has to work a little harder because you are a once in a lifetime dream woman, sometimes women go for this because they would rather spend time with a guy than to risk losing his interest, but if he loses interest because he couldn’t get you into bed upfront, then you can be pretty sure what his intentions were anyway.

Calling you “wifey” or “the Mrs”

-Translation-

Depends

This can be quite endearing, and it possibly shows that he has marriage in mind or is becoming ready for such a level of commitment, especially if you have a great relationship full of shared moments of happiness, mutual friends and are gradually building a life together.

But there is something to be said about being called “wifey” when you don’t have his last name yet.

If it’s a guy at work that calls you work wifey it’s probably just a playful compliment.

If it’s a guy that seems to dangle the carrot, in various ways while denying you the full relationship experience then be mindful that this could be a way to charm and manipulate you. Check out our masterclass on “imaginary relationships” here for more information.

How to handle this

Playfully: “Hey there’s no ring on this finger mister, I’m still a free woman” with a cute smile, tease him a little and resist letting him get comfortable with saying this without the ceremony. This can come back to bite you if you wish for marriage, later he can say “we don’t need a piece of paper, you know you’re already wifey” many women dream about their wedding day and don’t want to be denied that, so it’s safer to wiggle out of this one when he says it if possible so that again he knows he needs to go further to secure such investment. Plenty of women hear this and start fulfilling the role without the marriage certificate then get frustrated that he still hasn’t proposed.

Although it’s cute, this can backfire on you, so just stay aware.

I’m just looking for someone I can be myself with

-Translation-

I’m just looking for someone I can be myself with

Men painfully lack support, the chance to communicate about their trials, their emotions and their vulnerabilities, men go out into the world in a full armor, probably more than we do, they are taught from a young age to suck up their feelings and carry on, but they are human too.

So it’s not surprising that men hope to find a woman that they can finally lay their guard down with and experience safety and emotional security yet what they often encounter is women ready to lay down a ton of expectations of who they need to be, having boundaries is not the same thing as laying down expectations, we can’t expect someone to change who they are for our agenda, but we can expect to be treated well. When men find a woman who is loving, non-judgmental and genuinely cares for his best interests as well as displaying high value and boundaries it is like a magnet to good men. This is the kind of woman that he locks down fast and feels absolute certainty about.

If you are confused about something a man has said to you and would like to know if it has a deeper or different meaning, you can book a session here now