Updated: Mar 28
It's an explosive scandal that has been all over the internet this week, the antics of Derrick Jaxn a major influencer who speaks on topics such as dating, cheating and knowing your value when it comes to men, Jaxn was known for presenting an image of charismatic wholesomeness, plus articulate and impassioned speeches on dating morality.
It was something many women related to and some felt drawn to absorb his teachings as a strong male perspective and perhaps a way to gain an edge in dating as well as understanding the male mind, some even considering him to be "the perfect man" who speaks out unfiltered and even calls "lesser" men out on their crap.
So it has come as a huge shock to many, that Jaxn himself has now admitted to engaging in multiple affairs behind his wife's back -by the way, this is the same wife who was barely ever mentioned online, until this story broke due to one of his Mistresses telling her story, seriously I had no idea he was even married! (I respect completely that those in the spotlight have a right to privacy, but to parade this poor woman out only when things got tough for him, is tacky to say the least) Sadly his behaviour in reality, is as down and dirty as the very guys that Jaxn has made millions warning us about.
There is a wider sense of betrayal here too, and rightly so, with many women who bought his books or followed his teachings feeling exploited by what it now seems is a greasy snake oil salesman. Was this guy playing up to the emotional deficits of women caused by men just like him, for profit?
Add to this the subsequent haphazard attempts to repair his "brand," which involved dragging his distempered wife by her hand onto the camera to defend him and even making a hare-brained reaction video to his own confession of the affairs, which has now been deleted. The back peddling and desperation to control the damage that ensued has been quite cringey to behold.
There has also been a ton of speculation about Jaxn's wife of course, with many saying she has appeared pressured, exhausted and emotionally drained or even "dead in the eyes" from her humiliation and others even going as far to say that she is a victim of narcissistic abuse. Describing her as a down trodden woman still putting her own pain on the back burner to defend his persona. I'm not here to comment on this, as many others have done so already, I just hope she finds the inner peace she deserves and the self worth to do what she needs to do.
What I would like to point out is that this whole sorry situation has been a reminder for all of us Ladies:
A reminder to move with the spirit of discernment in all aspects of our lives.
These days I regularly see incredible women making it all about the man, even very early on when he has done little to deserve such loyalty and admiration, in many cases before he has even asked for a date, or done much of anything special except sending a few cute texts, or where he has only engaged in meeting here and there at his own convenience, and yet we are eagerly opening the door to our hearts and minds, welcoming him straight in... why?
It is in the initial stages that we get an opportunity to observe any red flags before it is too late, and it is when we should be carrying ourselves with an attitude of "wait and see" to discern his values, his moral fibre and what he has to offer, so that years down the line we don't end up in an awkward or even terribly painful situation due to the fact that we threw ourselves all in before we had gained strong insight. Perhaps like Mrs Jaxn.
We have to train ourselves to stop asking "does he like me?" and instead to begin asking: "Do I truly like him?" to evaluate the effort he puts forward, his attitude towards life, as well as what he brings to ours. Rather than getting swept up in attachment right up front and asking ourselves the necessary questions later. In fact liking him is just not a good enough reason to wrap ourselves right up in someone right from the start.
Furthermore, we have to avoid putting so much emphasis onto a guy that the attention he throws our way means everything, and yet the moments where he isn't showing the interest we want throws us into the depths of despair quite quickly, we need to be able to identify and acknowledge that this is a serious imbalance occurring that may end up being a recipe for disaster later.
To put it simply, we should never make a man a prize.
To put a guy on a pedestal in this way suggests that we have lost sight of our own value and honestly, how can he be expected to see it if you don't?
It can also be a green light for a long term lack of appreciation or worse.
There is nothing wrong with liking someone and being curious about the potential that is growing and where it can go, but don't be blinded by what you want to see, rather than what is really there, not all that glitters is gold.
It's not that you should be judging the guy, or putting him through tests to see if he qualifies, it's more about keeping a balanced outlook that enables you a keener sense of perception.
When we are motivated by finding the right man for us, when we don't surrender too quickly to his pursuit but instead ensure that he is willing to consistently go that extra mile for us, before investing ourselves too much emotionally, this sends a signal that we have deep confidence in ourselves as well as in what we have to offer. Which usually weeds out the silver tongue charmers without substance and draws much more aligned matches to us, it communicates that our energy is expensive so a man is much less likely to take us for granted.
I believe that one of the greatest lessons our generation needs to learn in a society where many are starving for validation is that: attention is not love and our quick feelings of attachment are no real indication that a man is worthy of our devotion. Take your time, love yourself deeply, refuse to sacrifice yourself to "win him over," and you will naturally make the best decisions possible.
We can all be taken in by snake oil salesmen, some of them appear incredibly charming and can sweet talk their way out of, or in to anything, so that it's only after we feel we have been duped later that we realise the signs had been there all along. Your feminine intuition is your super power, but sadly it can be clouded when we attach too quickly, or put too much emphasis or adoration onto someone too soon.
The revelation of Derrick Jaxn's antics may have come as a surprise, and it is certainly a shame, I too enjoyed watching his videos from time to time, and generally I felt that his advice was quite solid (with perhaps the odd exception) with that in mind, the fact that he didn't even follow it himself seems even more absurd. But I feel that this is a good cautionary tale that reminds us to always think for ourselves and resist being taken in by the empty words of a charmer.
I know many women are feeling frustrated with dating coaches who cost the earth and don't deliver, as well as those who don't walk the walk they talk, so feel free to contact me now for a down to earth coaching session that is reasonably priced and highly effective, without the nonsense.
Jade Kelly is a certified Life Coach and relationship consultant with over a decade of experience helping women to find genuine happiness and to build attraction with men. Click here now to book an introductory coaching session.