He ghosted me but he still watches my stories, why?

We went on four dates over three weeks and text most days, things seemed to be going really well but then suddenly he ghosted. My last reply was left on read and as the days passed I realised this wasn’t just a blip, he was gone. I was seriously confused by this but I wasn’t going to chase him for answers. To be honest I sort of miss him, it was a good connection and I thought it had potential. Over the past few days he has started watching all of my stories on insta, but he hasn’t spoken at all. I don’t get it, he’s often the first to watch them, why would he watch my stories if he isn’t interested?

Why do guys do this? Does it mean anything?

This is another one of those modern day dating issues that really confuses women and leaves them questioning the behaviours of men. So let’s cut through some of that confusion today.

There are a few main reason guys do this:

1. He doubts his decision

It’s possible he still has some kind of curiosity about you and isn’t totally convinced in his decision to remove himself from the connection. Perhaps he wants to return but fears that his actions have annoyed or angered you.

I don’t believe that men always make a conscious decision to ghost or pull back, although sometimes they do, this could be due to not knowing how to articulate something, his intimacy cycle or other things going on in his life.

Read: when he pulls away this is how to respond to build attraction

Even if he did make the decision consciously, it may have been rash or ill thought out and so he’s not totally convinced it was the right call and there’s something about you that still intrigues him.

2. He’s just passively watching all stories

Sometimes it’s just not deep I’m afraid, he may be letting all stories run through, including yours. Without putting a whole lot of thought into it. A lot of men don’t consider blocking or unfollowing someone they know or even dated unless there was active hostility. Watching people’s stories can be like the modern day equivalent of curtain twitching, some people are just nosy.

3. He wants to see if you’re affected

This is a sign of toxicity. Some women post mildly passive aggressive quotes or memes when a guy drops off, or maybe you appear completely fine in your stories and now he’s wondering if you were even that into him. His ego might compel him to check up on you to determine if you’re resentful, hurt or even lashing out. Super lame but it does happen sometimes.

4. He’s gearing up to contact you

He’s found you on his mind and wants to reach out, quite simply because you’re back on his radar, for whatever reason he’s now turning his attention back onto you.

5. He wants to stay on your radar

This could be a low effort way to remain mildly in your line of sight, so that if he decides he wants to resume things later for some reason, he has remained loosely familiar. You deserve better than just being a vague option for someone.

So what should you do?

Honestly? Absolutely nothing.

Without knowing his intentions it’s best to dismiss it as a bit of a nothing burger. Generally I don’t like the phrase “ if he wanted to he would” as I believe it overly simplifies the complexities of human psychology, but in this case I think it applies, if he can watch your stories it’s only one extra step to to hit “reply” or “message” and see if he can strike up a conversation.

Men in general are quite capable of taking action when someone or something matters to them.

Maybe he’s just curious, perhaps he will reach out later or maybe he won’t. But fixating on the “whys” keeps you tethered to him in a negative way that will only bring you uncertainty or possibly even resentment. Continue living your best life in peace and leave him to it.

You deserve effort, consistency and a reasonable level of clarity.

If you’re confused about a man ghosting or pulling away, contact me now! I will assess your situation and assist you with tips and resources to build attraction or to fast track your healing.

Jade Isabelle is a dating and attraction coach based in the UK, she has over fifteen years experience in the field. Contact us now for a confidential, compassionate and no nonsense coaching session that will assist you in understanding the male mind and to feel more empowered in dating.