Why playing games always backfires.

Updated: Oct 29, 2019


A lot of women contact me asking for "tips and tricks" or tactics to either gain or re-gain a man's interest, make him jealous, cause a reaction, get him back after a break up etc. While these questions are innocent... after all, we all want to life hack our love lives and get to happily ever after faster, sadly the results of implementing any kind of manipulative strategies in dating are often disastrous.

We are bombarded with "dating advice" that advocates and even encourages game playing, How to play hard to get, how to play by "the rules" of seduction, and how to behave like a "bitch" if we want to find love. In the short term these tactics can seem to work, the man becomes more responsive fast or starts to step up his efforts, however this is only because game playing mimics a confident mindset, but it always backfires and here is why... Game playing is rooted in insecurity: It's the idea that we cannot attract someone or be loved by being authentic, it reinforces that our real selves are not worthy of true love and this will do more to destroy our self esteem over time. Not only that but it can't be sustained in the long run, if you are pretending to be much calmer, more independent or less interested than you really are, eventually you will become frustrated, something will trigger you and the insecurities you have hidden will emerge. The guy will then wonder what is going on and won't know how to handle this sudden out burst of emotions or resentment. Basically, it is like wearing a mask, although you may feel guarded against getting hurt, the man you are dating won't actually know the real you.

It's low vibration: Nothing good ever manifests out of a low frequency, when we play games we stop trusting that the universe will always bring us the most beneficial experiences possible, as we are trying to control each step of the process and manipulate the natural development of love. This becomes a catch 22 situation quickly where we use tactics to get closer but actually end up feeling totally disconnected from our partner. You will eventually lose a deeper connection: In time he will come to feel like something is not right, even if he is not sure why. Men are intuitive too and we all pick up on vibes about the people in our lives. He will stop feeling safe to open his heart and mind to you., especially if you are playing hard to get as he may eventually switch off and look for someone less complicated. He will be unable to trust you on a deeper level, we are encouraged by our friends and by society to be fierce in our dating lives, and a man may enjoy that initially, but if you don't know when to lay down your armour and relate to him from your feminine energy, when to show a little vulnerability and become softer with him, he is going to get frustrated and give up in time. He will probably mirror you and play games back: Most of us are well aware of having game run on us in dating, this sneaky love advice isn't exactly a secret now a days, he may decide to give you a "taste of your own medicine", it then becomes very difficult to back track as the damage is quickly done. It doesn't feel good when someone starts ignoring us or tries to make us jealous but this is often how this type of situation ends up, with two good people locked in an ugly power struggle.

You bypass your inner work: When our focus is on games and tactics we fail to look inwards at the stuff that needs to be faced and healed, instead all of our energy is going in to presenting something... kinda fake, an image that will slip in the long run, even if we do succeed in piquing his interest, it tends to erode the relationship with him. We all have flaws and shortcomings and often game playing is a way to "cover them up" as a means to avoid doing the work to fix them.

Not being a game player does not mean that you can be pushy, combative or clingy and still inspire a man's devotion, but we will get in to that more in another post. It's a waste of time: If you feel like you have to play games to keep a particular man interested it's a strong indication that this person is not emotionally mature enough to have a meaningful relationship. You will waste a lot of time trying to bait his interest and commitment only to find that you end up with a partner who doesn't have the capacity to fulfill you. The time is better spent seeking a man who is interested in a loving commitment.

You are not being sincere: Game playing is inauthentic. You do not need to trick a man into loving you. You already have every essential tool within to find and keep the man of your dreams, the time is much better spent becoming the best version of yourself by cultivating real confidence, and by seeking genuine compatibility in dating. The art of seduction is real, but all game playing really serves to do is divide men and women, and to make them feel like they are from different planets, when in reality we are designed to compliment each other perfectly. People fall in love naturally every day, no tactics necessary! Read: The conscious path to finding true love| Full guide

If you find yourself on the receiving end of game playing, simply refuse to rise to it. Hold your dignity at all times and take some space if need be. Games can't work on you if you refuse to play. Contact me now for a coaching session tailored to your love life! Find out how to build attraction naturally with a guy you like

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