Updated: Jan 25
Some relationships come in to our life and have such a deep transformative impact on us, that there is no doubt that they are spiritual.
We might meet the person under unusual or extraordinary circumstances and we are instinctively drawn to them, there's a sense that we have known them forever right from the start and we feel comfortable, even liberated and truly free to be our authentic selves in their presence.
Without a doubt there are all different types of spiritual connections, from soul friends, soul family, kindred spirits, romantic soul mates and more.
It's my personal experience that while soul mates are comfortable, pure, and feel like home. Karmic connections tend to arrive to shake you awake, to transform you and bust you right out of your comfort zone, so that you can experience an expansion of awareness.
While soul mates can last blissfully forever holding hands and slow dancing under the moon, karmic connections hit like a bolt of lightening, leaving your heart racing, wondering what on earth just happened and just as quickly they are gone. Then, over the past ten years or so, the term "twin flame" has exploded in popularity on the internet and in new age circles. So much so, that it is something I hear or read about almost on a daily basis.
The idea behind a twin flame is that before birth one soul was split into two, to incarnate in separate bodies, with the individual never feeling whole until they are powerfully reunited with their "other half".
Seems super romantic right? but as a women's coach, this has raised concerns for me over the years and some major red flags in a lot of situations I have encountered.
It's not that I don't believe in transcendent spiritual or karmic relationships, I absolutely do, being a highly spiritual person myself, I am certain that I have run into all different kinds of soul-connections.
The problem arises when a person allows their lives and their dreams to be derailed, when they choose to make extensive sacrifices or are made to live in chronic deep sadness and suffering all in the name of a "twin flame relationship" and I have to be truthful here, the twin flame umbrella seems to be the only romantic- spiritual label I see this happen under.
Yes, I have witnessed once happy women descending into unspeakable suffering, long term depression and chronic hopelessness, where they have explained that they have completely lost themselves to the pain of abandonment, describing the other as a "twin flame runner" another common new age phrase, where one supposedly runs away from the intensity of the connection while the other is left in stasis, or while the man has moved on completely, even sometimes into a new relationship, marriage or has even started a family with someone else and yet she still cannot let go, this is a situation that saddens me deeply, one that I would never want to see one of my sisters in, and yet I have seen it all too often.
Twin flame labels are often used as a smoke screen for abusive or toxic relationships. where we make all kinds of excuses for stone walling, distancing, or being left for another and some how it becomes romantic with this labelling, I have encountered women suffering in deep agony, sometimes even placing their life on hold for years believing they will never be "complete unless this person returns to their life" even if they barely knew him.
I am not trying to be the bearer of bad news here, if twin flame connections do exist my guess is that they are rare, and deeply misunderstood. I think every woman dreams of experiencing an exceptional relationship, a love story that she can talk about to her Grandchildren some day. Yet we must ensure that we keep our feet on the ground when we meet someone, so that we don't get too swept up and lose some degree of perceptiveness. In truth, when someone uses the label "twin flame" on you, especially in early days, be very careful, it often means they are about to project a whole host of expectations and ideals on to you that are impossible to live up to, or that they are seeking a relationship involving such a high level of fantasy that it becomes almost impossible to ground it into reality.
It seems to me it is becoming an overused and highly loaded expression with the potential for real consequences for some people.
I have also met guys who talk dreamily to you about your "spiritual connection" in one moment then proceed to behave like toxic, self absorbed, hedonistic assholes in the next.
During my awakening I had the opportunity to speak to adept initiates and spiritual elders, although they were well aware of soul mates and spiritual connections they often told me that the idea of twin flames labels were a new concept that had sprung up recently.
If you are highly spiritually inclined and are devoted to spiritual practice and meditation, you have likely come to a level of awareness where you realise that every soul is connected, you might even believe that we are all fragmented expressions of the same source, experiencing itself at different points of consciousness. What do I mean by this? basically what I am getting at is that we are all twin flames, we are all aspects of the same soul.
When your vibration is super high and you are perhaps ascending beyond the limitations of third dimensional thinking generally you will attach less importance to labels, you wont much spend time trying to figure out if someone is a soul mate or twin flame, you will naturally attract many soul mates and karmic connections in high vibration, and many synchronicities.
I made a video about this a couple of years ago and one lady became very angry in the comments, she said if I doubted the twin flame phenomenon in any way it was only because I hadn't experienced a TF relationship for myself suggesting that if I had I would immediately worship at the alter of the deep suffering that accompanies the twin flame ideal, sounded very cult-like to me at the time, but this is just another issue with the twin flame label, it suggests that "my experiences/relationships are far more significant and meaningful than your experiences/relationships" or "I am more evolved and more special than you" no one can tell another what type of connections they may or may not have experienced, that is very personal. in fact it may be that the other did experiences something very powerful and karmic and earned their own knowledge the tough way, you just never know.
Others may argue that the concept is new because it has come in with the emergence of star seeds and indigo children, which is certainly possible, I believe strongly that new generations of children are being born with exceptionally high consciousness, high frequency and inexplicable intuitive and healing abilities, perhaps because the earths frequency is in need of these souls more than ever before. Yet we are all on the same journey, just at different parts of the road, so it is deeply significant and also irrelevant.
It's also worth being mindful that with all aspects of spirituality there will always be false gurus, and those who will fan the flames of a belief so that they can exploit it. Ever see those ads "Find your twin flame for just $20"? Some readers or spiritual teachers find their profits to be incumbent on manipulating those encountering a spiritual experience and taking them off track for personal benefit, so please protect your energy my loves.
The point is that everyone deserves a truly loving, devoted, committed, relationship where they are doted on by someone wonderful, no matter what the type of relationship, you should not have to settle for waiting, hurting and longing.
Sometimes the relationship you want the most is not the one you need.
So ladies let's lose our attachment to the labels, take your time to discover how someone treats you and makes you feel before you mentally knight them a "super soul mate" often this can save us a lot of pain later, as this label binds us to the situation leaving it close to impossible for us to release ourselves and perhaps a painful level of emotional investment and obligation later, for fear that it could damage our very souls if we do, or leave us moving through life incomplete- an absolute deception! you are 100% complete the way you are and you are connected deeply to every one and everything...never let anyone tell you otherwise.
Despite being weary of labels I would never try to tell a woman that what she is feeling isn't valid, I understand that we can experience all kinds of mind blowing journeys that take us right off the beaten track and far away from everything we ever considered normal. All I am saying is that we shouldn't completely lose our balance for any type of connection. Live your life in the fullest expression of your soul, but please stay aware of any situation that is categorically forcing your vibration to the floor rather than elevating you to the stars.
Nevertheless, just in case you are wondering here is my personal list of the traits of a very high vibration romantic-spiritual connection (regardless of the type):
- Deeply transformative and often transitional in nature, we are never the same person after meeting as we were before.
- Strong synchronicities are experienced by both, far too often to be coincidence and very difficult to explain to others.
-Spiritual gifts, psychic intuitive abilities are enhanced rapidly. -Spontaneous tantric experiences during intimacy, tingling and bolts of energy through the body, experiencing the other persons arousal or emotions as your own.
- Connects you to your life purpose and expands your ability to feel universal love.
- The Kundalini may rise or chakras become highly active and open, or even overactive.
-The couple are drawn to a deep and connected long term purpose or goal that benefits others or is of service to humanity.
-Third eye may open spontaneously, auras, energies and light body's may become apparent.
-Highest authenticity yet low drama and pettiness, the connection has a feeling of a higher purpose or mission that is beyond that sort of thing.
-Both are completely present in the relationship and you become closer to the best version of yourself with the support of this partner.
-Even if the connection doesn't last you still wish for the best for each other and are grateful for the experience together.
-Parts of your consciousness that were sleeping are raised and brought forward for transmutation, including old patterns, traumas, abandonment issues or that which was no longer serving you. This is where some get stuck. The trap occurs when we remain rigidly focused on the external situation rather than going inward to clear and begin the next phase of our awakening journey.
So as you can see I personally believe there is much more to it than just longing, attachment and suffering.
We are will and wonder
Bound to recall, remember
We are born of one breath, one word
We are all one spark, sun becoming
- Tool, Pneuma.
Jade Kelly is a Certified Life Coach with over fifteen years of experience in assisting women with healing, attraction building and improving their love lives, you can arrange a session now from the comfort of your own home or on the go, sessions are confidential, reasonably priced and highly effective.